Why, Jeremy Renner? Why? You play Hawkeye in The Avengers, you help out Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, then you star in this garbage? Come on, man. As one of Hollywood’s most talented actors, you should be picking roles that help your career, not destroy it. Oh well. No use crying over wasted talent. And don’t even get me started on Gemma Arterton or Famke Janssen.
Basically, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters takes the beloved tale of Hansel and Gretel and…..twists it. The film is an extension of the classic story, showing viewers the grown-up versions of the two innocent protagonists. Hansel(Renner) and Gretel(Arterton) are both famed witch hunters, traveling far and wide eradicating the revolting creatures. When they stumble upon a sinister plot by a particularly powerful witch(Janssen), they must call on the help of some unlikely allies if they plan on stopping their enemies.
I haven’t seen acting this horrendous in a long time. Excuse me for ranting, but really Renner? Of everyone involved here I would have expected you to keep this mess of a movie together. But no, you insist on turning in a performance bereft of any emotion or effort. And Arterton, you look great, but you really can’t act. Screaming “Hansel!” every ten minutes only gets you so far. And Janssen’s performance is limited to cackles, scary faces, and mental images we really don’t need in our heads.
So, the acting sucks, the story sucks, but do the special effects suck? Why yes, as a matter of fact they do. I took one look at the troll in the movie and shook my head. I’ve made better creations with Play-Doh. Normally I would try to look past this, but so little went into this movie that I just can’t help but be a jerk about it. Even the sets are not much to speak of. This entire movie was probably filmed in the director’s backyard with sloppy set pieces thrown in to make it meet Hollywood standards.
Call me a stickler, but this film didn’t do anything for me. The action scenes are choppy, poorly shot, and just plain bad. But hey, I understand the potential appeal of this movie. Viewers looking for dumb fun will most likely love it. A badass brother-sister duo shooting down witches is probably someone’s idea of the perfect movie. Just not mine.
1 out of 5 stars