This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Touch It: A Messed Up Little Tale About Spiders Crawling in Your Head.

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From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes.

*Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR.*

You will dismiss this as ridiculous fearmongering. Dismissing things as tuberculous fearmongering is, in fact, the first sympton of parasitic spider infection – the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That’s just as well, since the “cure” involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like.

You can’t feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can’t see it, because it decides what you see. You won’t even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends, and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We’re all about to find out.

Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I’m just the messenger. Even it I did sort of cause it.

Either way, I won’t hold it against you if you’re upset. I know that’s just the spider talking. (from the dust jacket).

Creepy, armored spiders crawl into your mouth and fuse with your skull. They slowly take control of you and make your body undergo physical abnormalities and deformities.  You go absolutely batshit crazy and start killing and eating your neighbors. The spider looks out through your mouth. While all these changes are going on, you are unaware of anything changing. You would never even see the spiders crawling up to your mouth. Only two people can see these creepy crawlers: David Wong and his alcoholic friend John. These two are our unlikely heroes, along with Dave’s girlfriend and a rogue detective.

This Book Is Full of Spiders is the sequel to David Wong’s debut novel John Dies at the End. In this follow up book, Wong continues with his slackers-with-no-prospects vs horrors more suited to Lovecraft or Giger. This book continues an awe inspiring level of irreverence and humor. It should be noted that David Wong in the pseudonym of Jason Pargin, senior editor and columnist for Cracked.com.

Warning: Plenty of descriptions of male sexual anatomy and monsters.

The book picks up some time after the events in the previous book, and David and his drunken friend John are still living in their hometown (going by the name of Undisclosed to prevent too many people from visiting). This town has a bad mojo brewing or it is the home of a portal from a bad place. So many bad things happen in this town that a hellmouth has to exist somewhere. David is still dating Amy, and John is still drinking a lot and accidentally texting people (mainly Dave) pictures of his penis. Due to previous use of a unique living drug, the dastardly duo can see all of the supernatural entities that wreck havoc on their town. Dave is the first one to see the spiders (it tries to nest in his mouth), with John following up with a flamethrower.

Soon the town of Undisclosed is under quarantine first by the CDC/National Guard and then by a secretive government agency called REPER. As a result of a mess of miscommunication, David ends up on one side of the barriers and Amy and John on the other. Since no one else can actually see what is the cause of the abnormal behavior, all sorts of rumors come floating up. The rumor that gains the most inertia is that the spider infection is actually a zombie plague. To complicate manners,  a crowd of wannabe zombie hunters descend upon the town hoping to kill off the flesheaters. Added to the mess, you have the angry townsfolk, a shrink, and a supernatural doctor. Along with all these factions, the book also details David and John’s habit of saving the day or royally screwing up everyone’s serenity.

This book contains a huge amount of horror and gore, with plenty of laughs, jokes, and entertainment. Wong does toss in some images that are truly nasty and twisted (the “Carlos” critter that would effectively gut someone or the 8-foot-diameter daddy longlegs with a human face), and there are some scenes that are thought provoking especially the “special” worth of man’s best friend. Genre fans and horror lovers will both enjoy this book and the characters within it.

I recommend this book. I think anyone who enjoys tongue-in-cheek horror movies or books will get a kick out of this book. Check it out. You won’t be disappointed.

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